In this blog you'll find mostly my thoughts and experiences as well as poems in regards to my Al-anon 12-step recovery.
I hope you enjoy. Please feel free to leave me comments.


If someone's drinking, drugging or sobriety is bothering you or if you grew up with drinking or drugs in your home, please find an Al-anon meeting.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

My Retreat Weekend

I wanted to share the big ticket items that stuck out to me this past weekend while attending my retreat. 12 step recovery is a process, a long one.
We aren't bad people, we're just sick people trying to get well.

One of the study leaders, who has 20+yrs in recovery, talked about the distorted thinking that goes on inside our heads.
I learned long ago that my mind is a dangerous place to go after hours. Hence the title of my blog "Magical Magnifying Mind" It's a BAD neighborhood. LOL

My thinking has been so distorted at times that I can no longer tell what's true and what's false.

The leader mentioned something along the lines of: The information in my head, the story I tell myself sounds absolutely correct.

This struck me because I can rationalize anything until it sounds valid and true.
Before recovery of course I had NO IDEA that I was doing this.

Because I am affected by the family disease of alcoholism and my thinking is distorted there is no clear way for my actions to carry out the "absolute correct" story that I have told myself in my head.

My intentions are ALWAYS good. My actions, not always.
What happens is I try and try to force a solution, to manipulate the situation or people around me to be what I think they need to be.

A lot of this behavior is based on old idea's in my head. This brings me to another thing I heard this weekend.
Old idea's are not old if I am still using them today. My thinking is "ILL"ogical and it all becomes useless and out of date junk.
This I heard VERY clearly.

One more time I must take responsibility for my part, for my actions.

I must clear away this old junk, stop using old ideas.
I must surrender, admit that I don't know what is best for everyone else, let alone myself.
Surrender has been defined for me as " The willingness to get better someone else's way"

The good news is that although this still happens, it happens far less now since I am in recovery. If I am willing to rely on a power greater then myself, whom I choose to call God then all things are possible.
If I am willing to take direction from my sponsor and apply the suggestions she gives me to my daily life then I can begin to be changed.

I will never graduate. This is a life long process. I am okay with that.
Progress not perfection is one of our principles.
Thank God for that.


  1. Yes. Thank God! How I can relate to this! My head is indeed a bad neighborhood. Thanks for walking with me. xxoo

  2. I don't know anyone that couldn't use a little guidance now and then.