In this blog you'll find mostly my thoughts and experiences as well as poems in regards to my Al-anon 12-step recovery.
I hope you enjoy. Please feel free to leave me comments.


If someone's drinking, drugging or sobriety is bothering you or if you grew up with drinking or drugs in your home, please find an Al-anon meeting.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

The 7 deadly sins

This weekend my 12 step recovery retreat ended with a discussion of how they apply to my character defects and or flaws if that makes you more comfortable.

The 7 Deadly Sins:


I was asked to examine my most glaring character defects and determine which ones point directly to one of the deadly sins.

My glaring character defects:

Attention Seeking
A need to be right

So out of these I was puzzled. They can point to all of the 7 sins really.
When I tried to identify only one it lead me to another.

What I finally settled on was:

I want everything, expect everything.
I fear I may lose something I have or wont get something I want.
I become focused on what I want to do at that moment and I neglect basic responsibilities like housework and sometimes large responsibilities like my husband, Kids or Work.

No matter what it all comes back to self... Selfish and self-centered.
This lead me to Greed. I want what I want when I want it...

I lived that way for a long time. Now I work really hard to not think or behave that way. It's not easy and I will never master it or be perfect.
Progress not perfection.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

One Moment

I will never have another moment exactly like this one.

In seconds and inches time passes and I move forward.

I can look back but I must not stare. What's happened is gone, never to be again.

Bloom where you are planted I hear you say.

If I stay in today I have choices.
Today is all I have.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


Where am I? What the hell am I doing?
I seem to have fallen off the beam... AGAIN!

There is a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach that wont go away.
I am restless, irritable and discontent.
I cant stand to be inside my own skin.

I am standing on the outside of a window looking in. I can see everyone inside.
They all seem happy. Why can I not be?

I feel my old familiar friend disappointment.
He is thick in my veins. Drowning my thoughts and clouding my vision.

I am such a great for-getter, but what I forget for a while always returns..
I am reminded one more time
When someone else is my problem, my problem is me.

Damn it... It ALWAYS comes back to me.

It was so much easier when I could just blame it on you...When I believed it was all your fault.
So much easier when I could just say "FUCK YOU" Look what you did to me?
Look how you hurt me? Turn my back, walk away.

But that doesn't work, it never has...It only further isolates me.

Here I am. Sitting in my shit!
I am not ready to climb out of it yet. Its still warm and familiar.
I think I will stay a bit longer.
At least until my fingers get pruney.

Soon enough the willingness will return.
I will stand up, take a shower, get back on the beam and begin again.