Acceptance

Lately, I’ve been struggling with acceptance.

Over the years of my recovery, there have been times that I’ve had no trouble accepting things in my life as they are. Sometimes, though, a situation slaps me upside the head and, no matter what I do, I cannot get into a place of acceptance. Why is that?

There are several reasons why this happens to me, but the main one is fear. Fear of losing what I have, or fear of not getting what I want.

What if?
What if I accept the situation as it is and it stays this way forever? The situation looks nothing like I want it to look, quite opposite in fact, so what if it stays this way? And so goes the struggle.

I fight, kick, scream, cry, beg and then scream some more. "No, no, NO! This can’t be the way it is. It just can’t be."

The Acceptance prayer in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous taught me that everything happens for a reason. This is what I believe. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake, so then why? Why is this happening? Is it the will of others or is it God’s will? What about what I want? What about how I feel?

What about me?

It’s always about me, at least I believe it is. I’ve learned this truth about myself long ago. I want what I want when I want it. I am selfish and self-centered.

I don’t want to accept things as they are because I don’t want them to be as they are.

Here is the prayer that I pray (read) almost every day. You can find it in the AA Big Book on page 449 of the 3rd edition and on page 417 in the 4th edition.

** For the Al-Anon’s, I’ve tweaked it just a bit. If you do this little trick with the entire Big Book of AA, you will see yourself in the pages and not just the alcoholic. Bill Wilson and the co-founders of AA knew what they were doing when they wrote this book and it applies to everyone, no matter what your “issue” may be.

Acceptance Prayer

God, acceptance is that answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I can accept my Alcoholism (Alanonism), I cannot stay Sober (Sane); unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitude.


I’ve experienced the freedom of acceptance many times in my life. I know that reaching a place of acceptance does not mean that I am suddenly okay with the situation or that I am excusing it in some way. It simply means that I now realize there is nothing I can do about it. I’ve accepted that I am powerless and nothing I can do will change what’s happening. I don’t have to like it.

When I am in a place of acceptance, I am free to live. Free to breathe. God has a plan, and though I may not know what it is, I do trust in him.

When I am not in acceptance then I suffer. Right now I am suffering.

I’m desperate to feel the peace that will come from finding acceptance, but I am also desperate to hold on as tightly as I can in hopes that the situation will change. This is insanity. I know it. But…what if?

For now I will pray for willingness and I’ll say the acceptance prayer and eventually it will come. But it will only come when I am ready.

Good thing my God is patient.

New Year's Resolutions or Just for Today?

I want to talk about New Year's resolutions.

I don’t believe in them. If you do, that’s fine. I’m a big believer in To each their own, but making a resolution to be held for the entire year just doesn’t work for me. I’ll tell you why.

I am a member of Al-Anon, and my program teaches me to live in today. I have learned the value of living one day at a time. It’s only Tuesday, and Tuesday (or whatever day it happens to be) is full of enough things for me to worry about. Work, kids, home, husband, and let’s not forget, ME. I’m usually tied in knots over something emotional and it’s all I can do to just focus on what’s in front of me. If I start thinking about tomorrow, or, God forbid, a year from now, then nothing gets done.

In truth, I do fail at this regularly. Good thing the program also teaches “Progress, not perfection”. I fail because I am human and my mind has…well, it has a mind of its own. It’s magical. It takes most things I perceive and magnifies them. It takes information, obtained from nowhere, and makes it fact.

Let me clarify that “living in today” does not mean that I never plan things or look at future goals, because I do. That’s human nature too, and it’s not a bad thing to do. I just try and avoid obsessing over things that I have no control over or projecting into the future what I think may or may not happen with any given situation. When I do this, I get into trouble. And before I know it, nothing’s been done. Work wasn’t finished, the kids are crying, the bills aren’t paid, the house is a mess, and worse, my husband is furious.

My mind is a dangerous neighborhood that I need to learn to stay out of.

Another reason why I don’t make the typical yearly resolution is because I already make resolutions daily. Sometimes I am successful, but most times I’m not. Today my resolution was to focus on work. Get done the things I needed to accomplish since I’ve been out for 2 weeks on stay-cation. I did get most things completed in regards to work, with minimal distractions. I had several moments during the day where I became caught up in my own thoughts, my own selfish wants and desires, as well as obsessing about things I am not happy about in my life.

It’s obvious that for me, making a yearly resolution is a recipe for disaster.

I function much better when I break it into smaller pieces.


Here are the Alanon “Just for today” principles. I can’t tackle all of these in one day either. But, I can pick one that makes the most sense to me that day and work on it.

 Just for 

Today

 

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

PRAYER FOR TODAY

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.

0, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Note: The "Just For Today" thoughts are from a bookmark produced by:

Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc.
1600 Corporate Landing Parkway
Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617
Phone: (757) 563-1600 Fax: (757) 563-1655

Thanks for reading

~Wookies Girl