Acceptance

Lately, I’ve been struggling with acceptance.

Over the years of my recovery, there have been times that I’ve had no trouble accepting things in my life as they are. Sometimes, though, a situation slaps me upside the head and, no matter what I do, I cannot get into a place of acceptance. Why is that?

There are several reasons why this happens to me, but the main one is fear. Fear of losing what I have, or fear of not getting what I want.

What if?
What if I accept the situation as it is and it stays this way forever? The situation looks nothing like I want it to look, quite opposite in fact, so what if it stays this way? And so goes the struggle.

I fight, kick, scream, cry, beg and then scream some more. "No, no, NO! This can’t be the way it is. It just can’t be."

The Acceptance prayer in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous taught me that everything happens for a reason. This is what I believe. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake, so then why? Why is this happening? Is it the will of others or is it God’s will? What about what I want? What about how I feel?

What about me?

It’s always about me, at least I believe it is. I’ve learned this truth about myself long ago. I want what I want when I want it. I am selfish and self-centered.

I don’t want to accept things as they are because I don’t want them to be as they are.

Here is the prayer that I pray (read) almost every day. You can find it in the AA Big Book on page 449 of the 3rd edition and on page 417 in the 4th edition.

** For the Al-Anon’s, I’ve tweaked it just a bit. If you do this little trick with the entire Big Book of AA, you will see yourself in the pages and not just the alcoholic. Bill Wilson and the co-founders of AA knew what they were doing when they wrote this book and it applies to everyone, no matter what your “issue” may be.

Acceptance Prayer

God, acceptance is that answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I can accept my Alcoholism (Alanonism), I cannot stay Sober (Sane); unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitude.


I’ve experienced the freedom of acceptance many times in my life. I know that reaching a place of acceptance does not mean that I am suddenly okay with the situation or that I am excusing it in some way. It simply means that I now realize there is nothing I can do about it. I’ve accepted that I am powerless and nothing I can do will change what’s happening. I don’t have to like it.

When I am in a place of acceptance, I am free to live. Free to breathe. God has a plan, and though I may not know what it is, I do trust in him.

When I am not in acceptance then I suffer. Right now I am suffering.

I’m desperate to feel the peace that will come from finding acceptance, but I am also desperate to hold on as tightly as I can in hopes that the situation will change. This is insanity. I know it. But…what if?

For now I will pray for willingness and I’ll say the acceptance prayer and eventually it will come. But it will only come when I am ready.

Good thing my God is patient.