I’m Your Disease
“I hate meetings. I hate Higher Power(s). I hate anyone who has a program. To you who come in contact with me: I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself: I am the disease of addiction. Cunning, baffling, and
powerful - that’s me.
I have killed millions and I am pleased. I love to trick you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover.
I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me? I was there.
I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. You can’t feel anything at all. This is true glory.
I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long-term suffering. I have been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn’t deserve these good things and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life.
People don’t take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools that they are… they don’t know that without my help these things would not be made possible.
I am such a hated disease and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a Twelve-Step Program. Your program, your meetings, your Higher Power, all weaken me. I can’t function in the manner I am accustomed to.
Now I must lie here quietly. You don’t see me, but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live I only exist. I am here... and until we meet again - if we meet again - I wish you death and suffering.” …Anonymous.
My friend Amy has been struggling with this disease. I don't know her personally, and yet I do, since I talk with her frequently online. She has shared with me her struggles and I have talked with her openly about the disease of alcoholism and addiction.
I've written posts before about whether this disease is a choice or not. Do I believe people wake up and decide to be an addict or drunk? No, I do not. I do believe, however, that at some point when the power of choice becomes present, and the desperate need to seek recovery is staring you in the face, it’s between you and whatever God you may believe in, and no one else.
Not everyone recovers, not everyone has the capacity to be completely honest with themselves, and not everyone survives and lives to find recovery.
Amy, I pray that it’s your turn to recover. It's right there waiting for you, just grab it with both hands. Like the quote above said, this disease lays in wait. It’s doing push-ups in the back room, getting stronger each day. Feed your recovery, don’t feed the disease.